Have a fabulous day,
As harsh as the title of this post may sound, I've come to realize that is what I must do to people whom I cannot help but love and yet I can't keep in my life because they hurt me despite the fact that I have told them they are hurting me.
Few days ago, I came across this quote somewhere "You can love someone but you do not need to keep them in you life" and it hit me, that is what I must accept and do in order to bring some peace in some parts of my life.
As the process of confronting family about certain secrets began few months ago, I entered new battles in my mind and soul regarding childhood events which my brain had chosen to forget because subconsciously it knew my body could not handle it, and so it kept it away from my conscious mind until I unload some secrets. Only then new memories surfaced to my conscious state of mind and now I am dealing with other dark, twisted past issues. It's a never ending hell space in my brain. The darkness seems to continue forever.
While dealing with my new found dark memories, family is getting around to dealing with issues which are now out in the open and some members must deal with it. During this process, many weaknesses have surfaced and despite guidance and advice that has been put forward by different individuals, family continues to take the wrong path, a path that is mainly self-centred & filled with lots of pride. This path is hurting me to the bone, the pain is so severe that at times my body starts shaking and I have to crawl into fetus position to make it stop. Fine. I can stop the shaking, but now I must stop the pain. So this is what I shall do, I will love, but I will not keep them in my life. I will visit, but I will not give my sundays to them. I will call, but I will not put my personal needs after them.
Love is unfair. You are genetically designed to love your blood. Blood will hurt you, blood will betray you, blood will cut your wounds deeper. We must not be afraid to say 'hey, I love you, but I'm out'.
You are the most important thing in your life. So give you the highest priority.
I recently watched a movie titled 'The Vow' and one particular dialogue had a big impact on how I am dealing with some things in my life. I just have to share it.
"The moment of impact. The moment of impact proves potential for change. Has ripples effects far beyond what we can predict. Sending some particles crashing together. Making them closer than before. While sending others spinning off into great ventures. Landing them where you've never thought you've found them. That's the thing about moments like these. You can't, no matter how hard you try, control how it's gonna affect you. You just gotta let the colliding part goes where they may. And wait. For the next collision. These moments of impact that turn our lives upside down, actually end up defining who we are."
- Leo, The Vow
We all make mistakes, it is part of learning, gaining wisdom and maturing. HOWEVER, once that mistake is made and it surfaces to a place where it effects people around you, it is HOW you DEAL with it, YOUR ACTIONS, which define you as a person. Will you set things right with the people you have hurt? or will you let your pride and ego take control and do nothing that will ease the pain you have caused to the people you love by making those mistakes....
Be a big person, do what is right. The right actions go further then your ego & pride can ever go.
That said, I also admit that it is far easier said than done. Sometimes we make mistakes, we don't do the right thing even when we know what needs to be done and continue hurting people we love, but we must always try.
Remember 'the unexamined life is not worth living' -Socrates
Mother: Never put me first, never place dad's needs ahead of your own, never make my sister happy when you are not....
Parents, specially moms, sacrifice their entire being and happiness to raise a family... I love you mom, but I want you to be happy before making me happy otherwise my happiness is only short lived.
To all mothers reading; tend to yourself first, never lose yourself, never put him first, never be too forgiving, never get too comfortable, never give it all up for your family, never lose control. There will come a day, most often than not, when your husband and even your children may not be there for you... they may betray you, they make leave you for others, or they may simply get busy because with life.....it is YOU who will be sleeping alone at night ... it is YOU who will be lonely... so hear me out, take good care of yourself today and forever. As much as your love for your family may overpower you, maintain BALANCE in all areas of your life.
I love you mom, and I am so sorry for your pain, for your suffering, and all that you have given up for your family and now, it feels like you are left with nothing. I am sorry. I am very sorry. I love you so much.
I hate discrimination.
I often hear "Don't go there, I hear it's not safe, there is too much crime" or "Why are you going there? there is nothing to see" ... I like to think every country, every nation, every culture has something unique to offer me as an individual who is always striving for wisdom, knowledge and experience.
When I said I'm going to Uganda, the reactions I received were as follows:
"what!? Uganda? Uganda Africa? Uganda? Why!?"
"Uganda!? really? it's the murder capital of the world!"
"Uganda as in Uganda in Africa? really? why? there is nothing to see"
... & the list goes on.
Well to those who think Uganda has nothing to offer, your wrong.
It has magnificent landscapes, wild animal life, generous people and sweet tropical rain. This is just from a tourists point of view. From a business point of view, the governments structure is built to benefit investors whom wish to start a venture (free land, tax free, great support for imports and exports, the list goes on...).
Don't go judging when A. Your information is based on what you have heard and NOT what you have experienced and B. Who are you to judge a nation? a country? ... Please keep your ignorant opinions to yourself. Thank you.
For those interested to learn more about this beautiful country with it's colourful culture, visit http://www.guide2uganda.com/information_about_Uganda & if you are a twitter user, you can follow @Guide2Uganda, these great people respond quick and can guide you through Uganda virtually should you decide to pay Uganda a visit.
Some quick facts about UGANDA:
With love and my outmost wishfulness for a wiser and a better generation to come,
Follow --> @Nyagodes @MrsBoo2u @Bell_Lager @@PearlUganda@Guide2Uganda @whthome @SmirnoffUganda @kasumbazakky @skypkm <-- Uganda based peeps!
I find it fascinating to be going through the very things I fought against or just never paid no attention too. I believe in women's rights now more than ever before. Two years ago, I cared, but it never moved me, never made me stand up and take actions. At 27, I'm on my feet and taking a stance.
Character, charm and warmth were never part of my thought process, I just wanted to BE. Now, I want to be surrounded by love, warmth and charisma. At 27, I feel as though I have matured too fast, too soon. I don't want to complain but I am afraid of what lays ahead of me. Will I find satisfaction in life at 40 if I've walked too fast, done too much, spoken too soon & have done it all in a short spam of time?
I am now firmly against individuals that raise their children spoiled, giving their kids luxury before it's due time. An 18 year old should not be driving a mercedes, not because he or she does not deserve it but because how will she be satisfied at 25? if you start too high, by the time your 30, there is not much else to climb or if there is, it's simply not in your power YET because it takes time. How does one understand the definition of 'it takes time' when everything was given to them before it's due time? This is a major issue wealthy children/young adults deal with. A major cause of depression.... something no one ever talks about, and unless you've lived it, you will never get it.
Let the job of having beautiful things come slowly, let it be earned as that will mean much more, bring joy that no one can take away from you as you know it's the right time for you to have it and own it. Good things in life should be experience sporadically at different periods in life, with different people throughout your journey of life. If it has all been given to you at once, what will you live for when you are by yourself?
The joy of reaching luxury and wealth ahead of time is short lived. I speak from experience, perhaps I will share with you mine one day, but not today.
"You give your children enough money to do something but not enough to do nothing." -George Clooney in The Descendants